The Acorn Does't Fall Far
by Shaddyr
Summary: Slice of life future-fic, no spoilers. A look at what life might be like on Atlantis with children thrown in the mix. First Story in the "Acorn Doesn't Fall Far..." series.
1. Maximum McKay

The first tremor made McKay pause, fork hovering just short of his lips, as he tried to identify the source. The second tremor followed only seconds later. He dropped his fork and tapped his radio as he rose from his seat, leaving his half-finished lunch behind him.

"Zelenka? Simpson?"

Rodney picked up the pace, jogging for the transporter. "Somebody tell me what in the hell just shook the city?"

There was a crackle in his ear and he winced as a steady stream of Czech curses came across the wire. "...and I am never having children!" was the only part of the tirade he understood.

McKay stopped dead in the middle of the hallway.

"Zelenka," he asked carefully, "are you telling me that Max had something to do with whatever just happened?"

It wasn't often that Radek actually yelled, but he was doing it now."Rodney, if you do not come and collect your progeny in the next 30 seconds I will not be held responsible for what happens to him! I am not above defenestration at this point, and there is a lovely view of the ocean just across the hall!" he finished with a snarl.

McKay's whole body was a study in defeat, shoulders slumped, his head hung forward.

"Please don't kill him. I'll be right there."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The lab looked as though it had been hit by an earthquake. Tables were overturned, equipment was lying all over the place, and McKay could see from the door that the Ancient display screen was cracked beyond repair and would have to be replaced. Despite himself, Rodney was somewhat in awe of that; those screens had withstood Wraith attacks and a Genii invasion. It just figured that his son would destroy one. Speaking of whom...

"I don't WANNA! You can't MAKE ME! Lantis listens to me, and she's gonna let me go! Where's my DADDY?!"

The recalcitrant 4-year old was hemmed into a corner of the room by Choi and Danvers. The boy kept trying to dart by them, but they blocked every attempt.

"Max!" he bellowed as headed across the lab. "What do you think you're doing?"

The two scientists made the mistake of looking at McKay when he yelled. Choi got a child-sized punch in the stomach for his inattention, and Danvers let out an ungodly screech as he got kicked full force in the shins.

"Daddy!"

Max tore across the room and tackle hugged his father, knocking him off balance.

"What are you doing here, young man?" McKay demanded. "You are supposed to be in the preschool with Miss Santos!"

Max sniffed dismissively. "Daddy, that's so boring! Those kids are stupid! They don't even know how to do algebra!"

McKay cringed. It was painful, and humbling, to see his own dismissive attitude modeled so blatantly by his son.

"Max, people aren't stupid just because they're not as smart as you." McKay pointedly ignored the opened-mouthed stares that comment garnered from his staff. "You're super smart. It's not fair and it's not kind."

Max screwed up his face in confusion. "But daddy, that doesn't make sense! If they're not as smart, that means they're stupider than me."

Rodney sighed. They obviously needed to talk about this again. Somewhere other than in the lab. But for right now, damage control. "Max. You need to apologize to Dr. Choi and Dr. Danvers. It's not okay to hit people."

"But Unca Ronon and Unca John hits people!"

"That's different," Rodney ground out through clenched teeth. "You need to say you're sorry Max. Now."

Max sighed dramatically, then turned to face the two men. "Sorry," he muttered in a tone which indicated that he was anything but.

"And Dr. Zelenka! He was in charge of the lab and you own him a huge apology."

This time Max at least had the good grace to look somewhat abashed, "I'm sorry Dr. Z, I didn't mean to make the 'speriment blow up, I just wanted to see, and the numbers were wrong and if you'd just let me fix 'em it would have been okay-"

"Max! Apology, not excuses!"

Max sighed again. "Sorry Dr, Z. I shouldn'ta touched it less you said so."

Zelenka stood glowering at them both for 30 seconds before finally rolling his eyes. "Just get out of my lab! It will take days to set this up again!" He stalked away, once again muttering dire imprecations under his breath in Czech.

McKay steered Max out of the lab and down the hall toward the transporter. A little hand tugged on his and he looked down into the pixie-like and deceptively innocent face of his son.

"I'm sorry daddy. I didn't mean to cause trouble."

"I know Max, but you really have to listen to the grown-ups when they say don't touch. Especially Dr. Zelenka, because he is just as smart as you."

"But the 'quation-"

"Max!"

As they walked toward the preschool, McKay watched his son's face cloud over with a very familiar stubborn expression, and he marveled that his parents had not gone completely crazy raising him.

McKay chuckled quietly as he wondered, not for the first time, what Max was going to build for his grade 6 science project. Whatever it was, he had a feeling it would be a working model - and was likely to require a force field to protect the city.

God help them all.


	2. Like Father, Like

No one paid much attention to the pair as they entered the mess hall. They walked side by side, thick as thieves, heads bent together as they bantered in their normal fashion. One spoke quickly, hands animatedly describing his words, while the other drawled out laconic replies. Their discussion was peppered with the casual sniping back and forth that characterized their relationship.

They each grabbed a tray, haphazardly selecting various lunch items and chatting amicably until they came to the dessert tray and froze in place. There before them sat one, single chocolate pudding cup. They glanced at each other and then the moment broke and two hands darted out – but one was just a smidgen slower than the other.

"Sheppard, you jerk!" Blue eyes flashed like lasers. "That's mine!"

"I don't see your name on it." The object of the lethal gaze ignored the vitriol and set the pudding cup carefully beside the sandwich on the tray. "You're just mad cuz I'm faster n'you McKay!" was the decisive comeback.

"C'mon! Give it!"

"No."

"Please?"

"Nuh-uh, mensa-boy."

"I hate you!"

"I hate you more."

A few of the marines sitting at a nearby table glanced up at the commotion. One of the rookies opened his mouth to say something, but was quickly elbowed into silence by one of the old-timers. The two friends continued to argue, oblivious to the audience they had acquired.

"You're a moron compared to me!"

"Well, you're a whiner compared to anybody!"

"Well... y-you have stupid hair!"

That earned a scowl. "Yeah well... nobody likes you."

McKay flushed. "That's not true!"

"Is so! You're mean and-"

A quick step forward and they were toe to toe, nose to nose.

"Is NOT! I'm NOT mean, YOU'RE MEAN! You take it back!"

"MAKE ME!"

A third voice cut across the argument. "Jenny Alanna Sheppard and Maximellian Adair McKay! If the two of you do not cease this behaviour this instant, I will call your fathers' and there will be hell to pay!"

Jenny whirled around, mouth dropping in shock. "You said a swearz! Daddy says you're not s'posed to say swearz!"

Beside her, Max was nodding vigorously in agreement. "An' my daddy did too! You're gonna get in heck, Torren!"

The table of marines who'd been observing the entire exchange gave up any pretense of keeping the snickers down and broke into gales of helpless laughter.

Jenny and Max both glanced over at the table before turning back to each other to share a look that said "grown-ups are weird". Unfortunately, this also drew their attention back to the pudding cup on Jenny's tray that had started the whole thing in the first place, and the squabble began anew. Max reached out, Jenny slapped hard, and before Torren could make it across the mess to intervene, both trays were upended. Sandwiches and apples hit the floor, and the pudding cup made a wet splat as it exploded, spraying the two of them and Corporal Dobbs at the nearby table with chocolate sludge.

Both children gasped, making shocked fish faces at the hapless soldier. The rest of the marines at the table took this as a sign that it was time to bug out and promptly dispersed, snickering as they fled.

Jenny pointed at Max. "It was all his fault!"

"Was NOT!" Max bellowed back, leaning forward, hands clenched at his sides. "It was my turn to have the last chocolate pudding!"

"YOU shouldn't otta be so grabby! YOU knocked it down!"

A hand descended on each of their shoulders, gave them a firm shake and then pushed them to face the marine. "Do you both have something that you need to say to the Corporal?"

Jenny threw glare at Torren before turning her gaze back to the man at the table. She dropped her eyes to the floor. "Sorry, Corp'l Dobbs."

"Sorry," mumbled Max from beside her.

"It's okay kids," the corporal began, but Torren cut him off.

"I disagree. Though an apology may be accepted, such behaviour is not acceptable." He fixed the two of them with a stern look. "How do you think your fathers would feel about the example you have set for the other Lantean children today?"

While Jenny and Max fidgeted, Torren studied the marine for a moment and then nodded with a smile. "Corporal Dobbs, as an expression of true repentance, Jenny and Max will take your dirty uniform to the laundry tomorrow. They will be sure to deliver it back to you clean and pressed by tomorrow evening."

"That's not really..." The corporal stopped, took in Torren's expression, and reconsidered. "Uhm. Okay." He gave a quiet laugh. "Sure can tell that you're Ms. Teyla's boy."

"Thank you." Torren bowed his head at the marine before turning his attention back to the two trouble makers.

"Now. Do I need to call the General and the Doctor, or are you two going to clean this up with no further argument?"

Jenny started picked the scattered lunch items up from the floor as Max heaved a sigh. "I'll get the mop."

***

A few minutes later, the floor was good as new and the garbage had all been discarded. The children, however, were getting grumpier.

"I'm hungry!" whine Max after he bussed the tray.

"Me too!" agreed Jenny from where she was sitting at a table.

The two of them were dishevelled, both from tussling and cleaning up the mess, and sported dried streaks of chocolate pudding up their legs. Hungry as they were, neither one of them would make a move to take any more food. They both knew that until Torren released them on their own recognizance, they were pretty much under house arrest and anything they wanted to do would need to be approved by him first.

After a moment, he spoke. "I am not pleased that the two of you acted in such a disgraceful manner."

"Are you gonna tell our daddies?" Jenny asked in a tremulous voice. Max stood beside her, eyes wide, waiting for the answer as well.

"I have decided that I do not need to inform them. I am sure that the marines who were in attendance will let the entire base know all the highlights."

Max sank into a chair beside Jenny and put his head in his hands. "Daddy's gonna KILL me. I will be grounded for, like a week!"

"I know!" Jenny commiserated. "Daddy's probably gonna take away my skateboard too!"

"I would be willing to tell General Sheppard and Dr. McKay that you were very apologetic to the Corporal and cooperative in cleaning up your mess. Perhaps that will help to mitigate some of the punishment that you might receive."

"Oh pleeeease?" implored Jenny and Max with one voice.

Torren smiled. "In addition, I would like to say that I was personally pleased with your quick change of heart and willingness to make amends. And you did not argue with me when it came time to clean up. "So. As a reward for this, would you like to come to the settlement with me now to share mid-afternoon meal with Aunt Teyla and Uncle Kanaan?" he asked. "If your fathers approve, you may stay overnight, and I will bring you back in the morning."

He suddenly found himself engulfed by fierce hugs. It had been a long week away from his mother, and he had been looking forward to seeing her. He suspected that part of the volatility in Max and Jenny was because they, too, were missing their favourite aunt. He certainly saw how the General and the Doctor missed his mother when she was not in the city every day. A visit might be just the thing to put them on a more even keel.

He sent them off to change and pack up their toothbrushes and some clothes for the next day, certain that the answer to the requested visit would be a yes, then headed into the kitchen to raid the pantry. He was pretty sure there was more chocolate pudding back there somewhere.

***

It was supper time and the mess hall was bustling nosily. No one paid much attention to the two men entered the mess hall. They walked side by side, bantering in their normal fashion. McKay's hand motioned wildly, never still, while Sheppard snarked out laconic replies.

The casual sniping that characterized their relationship continued as they grabbed their trays, Sheppard snagging a Turkey sandwich, McKay taking the meatloaf. They came to the dessert tray and froze. There were a dozen pudding cups, but only one was chocolate. They glanced at each other briefly and then two hands darted out. One was just a smidgen slower than the other.

"Sheppard!" Blue eyes flashed like lasers. "That's mine! You don't even like chocolate that much!"

"I don't see your name on it." Sheppard set the pudding cup carefully beside the sandwich on the tray.

McKay made a grab for it, but Sheppard twisted away, blocking the move.

"Oh, c'mon! Give it!"

"No, McKay. Have a butterscotch one."

"But I don't *want* a butterscotch one!" He took a butterscotch one anyway. "Sometimes I hate you!"

Sheppard started to walk towards their customary table, and called out over his shoulder with a big grin. "I hate you more!"

McKay noticed one particular table of marines who all seemed to be casting surreptitious looks his way. A few of them seemed to be choking and red in the face. He stopped and stared.

"What?" he demanded.

A corporal... Dabs? Dods? Something likes that –cleared his throat and responded. "Nothing sir. Nothing at all."

McKay scowled at him, unconvinced, but gave a little huff and then moved along to settle across from Sheppard at the table.

"What was that about?" asked Sheppard before he took a bite of his sandwich.

"I think they're laughing at me! I just don't know *why* they're laughing at me! Do I have toilet paper stuck to my shoe?" McKay glanced down to check, but no. No toilet paper.

"You're just being paranoid, Rodney."

McKay scowled again. "I am not! I can tell when someone's laughing at me. It just drives me crazy when I don't know why."

"Don't let it get to you. Marines are weird," Sheppard intoned sagely as if that were the answer. "So. Kids are farmed out for the night. Beer on the pier later?"

And McKay was willing to go with that. Especially when Sheppard picked up the chocolate pudding cup and swapped it for the butterscotch one that Rodney had grabbed. He smiled. "Yeah."

~fin


End file.
